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Patio Talk (Big)

by Millaze

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about

Before he died, I'd go downstairs to say goodnight to him & we'd often lose sleep to talk about life on the back patio. This song is a summer night, street lamps, crickets, cicadas, and my dad pouring his heart out about his friend dying, probably projecting that he knew his own health was going downhill & he was going to die soon too, not knowing if he'd feel the way he wanted to about his life before it happened. I took notes in my journal after that talk, and wrote this song months later.

lyrics

lyrics:

Tonight you’re telling me your best friend died
And you don’t know if he got what he wanted, what we want in life
Did he ever get, does he ever get to, get to feel
Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
You wanna feel

Oh, you say it’s cuz the cigarettes can lie
For a minute, god, they really make you feel
Big like you wanted
And you know that’s why
He had to breathe it in
Had to swallow everything
When you drink not tasting it
Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
Big
You wanna feel

Will she ever get what you tell her?
You get it so thoroughly
Your confidante, you won’t let her
Lack confidence like you see
You tell her that if you had your way
She’s gonna pattern break
Tell her how to turn out, how to turn a different way

Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
Trade sleep to talk about life
Trade sleep to talk

Tonight I’m telling you the week you die
This patio where we talk is going with you to the other side
A lotta new cement, excavator rolling in
Dig, cuz you won it
Nobody else’s
Dig, cuz you won it
I wanna still dig

She plays the audiocassettes in line
Just to hear him, god, they really make him as
Big as he wanted
And she wonders why
A deejay never knows
All around the world they go
No one quite as powerful
Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
Big
You wanna feel

A daughter gets what you tell her
And she’ll think so thoroughly
Your confidante for forever
With confidence that she’ll reach
He said, “Your life is the only thing
That makes mine mean anything”
She said okay then, not just big
I’ll make mine massive

Big, like he wanted
Big, like he wanted
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
Trade sleep to talk about life
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
She goes downstairs to say goodnight
Trade sleep to talk
She goes downstairs
Big
Big

credits

released March 19, 2023
Songwriting music and lyrics by Emily Anne Plazek. Piano by Millaze. Vocals by Millaze. Beats by Millaze. Produced by Millaze & Andrew Chris. Engineered by Millaze & Andrew Chris. Mastered by Andrew Chris. Sanctuary Studios. Red Drum Studio, On Tap TV LLC. The MIC Mountain and MIC PGH Publishing, MIC PGH LLC, 2023.

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Millaze Bloomington, Indiana

i sail the sea and play piano and add dreams.

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