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The Malaise: Love vs. Fear

by Millaze

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1.
lyrics: We’re here now It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now We’re here now Can you maybe meet me by the sea in the east Can you maybe meet me in the west, in the trees Can you maybe meet me Can we drive to your apartment in the southern sky Then can you take me north to the home I knew my whole life Can you maybe meet me It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now We’re here now I know things I’ll never see Like this the you you are to me It’s not normal, it’s disturbing It’s a raw, real fantasy It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now We’re here now Your white undershirt on my little back Wash off everything I can’t take back Can you maybe meet me In our perpetual gallery It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now It’s like we’re sucked into miles of white clouds and miles of we’re here now We’re here now I know things I’ll never see Like this the you you are to me It’s not normal, it’s amazing
2.
Body 03:55
lyrics: Your body, my room Say the things, I’ll say them to you My body, and you Remember me, oh I’ll remember you My hands won’t leave you alone They’ll follow you everywhere you go I’ll live right behind your eyes I’ll take you, oh, where few can go Feel more than most can ever know The right kind of can’t shake me from your mind And I’ll love you so hard Your body won’t believe Care for you so far Your mind couldn’t conceive Won’t believe me Won’t believe me Won’t believe me You won’t believe Won’t believe me Won’t believe me You won’t believe me Our bodies, this room Never thought I’d do this to you My body, and you Tell me now, am I more to you? My hands won’t leave you alone They’ll follow you everywhere you go I’ll live right behind your eyes I’ll take you, oh, where few can go Feel more than most can ever know The right kind of can’t shake me from your mind And I’ll love you so hard Your body won’t believe Care for you so far Your mind couldn’t conceive Won’t believe me Won’t believe me Won’t believe me You won’t believe Won’t believe me Won’t believe me You won’t believe me My body, and you Remember me, oh I’ll remember too
3.
Grey Area 05:02
lyrics: Lay down across your chest, I unfold Reach down and rise, oh I’ll never know Never know Inside me, a shifting, a stirring The lines are all blurring We’re going down, obviously We’re crossing over Mind imaging My hands are still feeling I hear the slow soundtracking Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me You warned me You held me close, oh my slipping soul White water in your palms, you’ll never know, oh You’ll never know Inside me, a shifting, a stirring The lines are all blurring We’re going down, obviously We’re crossing over Mind imaging My hands are still feeling I hear the slow soundtracking Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me You warned me You warned me You warned me You warned me Inside me, a shifting, a stirring Inside me, a shifting, a stirring And I fear now we can’t go back Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me Grey area, you warned me You warned me You warned me You warned me You warned me Lay down across your chest, I unfold Reach down and rise, oh I’ll never know
4.
Airbnb 03:49
lyrics: Before I fall asleep tonight Hear me out, no texts, no time I’m messing around in my Airbnb Remembering you, mixing in me Mixing in me And if I lay back into you Dangling high, in full view I’m messing around in my Airbnb Remembering you, mixing in me Mixing in me This little phone tucked to my chest These heavy texts, they never rest This is the feeling, oh, I know The original high I’d go This little phone tucked to my chest You’re visceral Real life’s a bore I want it all But what’s it for And if I don’t get you What will I lose You take me to You take me to You take me to You’re visceral Real life’s a bore And I want it all But what’s it for And if I don’t get you What will I lose You take me to You take me to You take me to Slow, suspended by my skin My little bones, chimes in the wind I’m messing around in my Airbnb Remembering you, mixing in me Mixing in me This little phone tucked to my chest These heavy texts, they never rest This is the feeling, oh, I know The original high I’d go This little phone tucked to my chest These heavy texts, they never rest This is the feeling, oh, I know The original high I’d go You’re visceral Real life’s a bore I want it all But what’s it for And if I don’t get you What will I lose You take me to You take me to You take me to You’re visceral Real life’s a bore And I want it all But what’s it for And if I don’t get you What will I lose You take me to You take me to You take me to Before I fall asleep tonight Hear me out, no texts, no time I’m messing around in my Airbnb Remembering you, mixing in me
5.
6.
Airplane 07:34
lyrics: I’m a white airplane On the runway Gaining speed You’re watching me I don’t know my engine status Will I break, will I wreak havoc Am I ready Or is something wrong with me You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash Deep down in me there’s a calm It’s sad and slow, but it’s a calm Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on I’m holding on Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope I’m a white airplane On the runway Breathing deep And panicking I can see my destination Lost in movement and location From the me down deep Who knew a love reality You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash Deep down in me there’s a calm It’s sad and slow, but it’s a calm Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on This flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on I’m holding on Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope I’m a white airplane On the runway
7.
Origami 04:40
lyrics: The ache In your eyes In my skin A deep sigh I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want I know what I want Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word I know what I want I know what I want Your palms On my sides In my lips A soft cry I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want, but you gotta want me too I know what I want I know what I want Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word I know what I want I know what I want I know what I want Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word Our legs like origami Our puzzle-piece-fit bodies I’d let go of my lego world Run it over if you just say the word I know what I want I know what I want Our legs like origami
8.
lyrics: I’m a white airplane On the runway Gaining speed You’re watching me I don’t know my engine status Will I break, will I wreak havoc Am I ready Or is something wrong with me You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash Deep down in me there’s a calm It’s sad and slow, but it’s a calm Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on I’m holding on Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope I’m a white airplane On the runway Breathing deep And panicking I can see my destination Lost in movement and location From the me down deep Who knew a love reality You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash You know what I don’t And I need you to say so My takeoff is approaching fast I have no clue if I’ll crash Deep down in me there’s a calm It’s sad and slow, but it’s a calm Because my flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on This flight hasn’t left the ground yet And I know I haven’t come around yet I spoke my mind, it’s your turn now and I’m holding on I’m holding on Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little Don’t let me take off If there’s something I should know Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope, just a, just a little hope Just a little hope I’m a white airplane On the runway

about

Little Girl wakes up to find her world has changed in LvF: Love vs. Fear, this final chapter 3 of Millaze's first book, "The Malaise." Following chapters 1 & 2, TvW & FvR, "The Malaise" actually started with this chapter: LvF was recorded, released, retracted, re-recorded and re-released 3 times between 2016-2020 as all 3 chapter-albums assembled themselves into this introductory story of Little Girl's lost adventure in her dream world of Oakland.

Across this album, the sketched map world of Oakland comes to wildly trippy and colorful life in its cinematic-album experience: a feature length film filmed in Pittsburgh by director Tyler AM, releasing alongside the album in Summer 2020. Here we follow the mute Little Girl as her bedsheets swallow and send her to the Other Side.

Monitored from above by an omniscient and glittery otherworldly-being, Little Girl is sucked away from the comfort of her bedroom to confront goopy forest monsters in the acid-tripping Grey Area, wake up blacked out in Airbnbs, climb through woods to abandoned Airplane landing strips, and disappear into other deathly adventures. Understanding that nothing will be the same again, Little Girl dives back down even deeper to find the one she loved and lost - entering book 2, The Dialectic, coming in 2021.

On a personal note: I began writing these "books" of songs on the piano when I was little, but I sketched the LvF logo on a post-it note in 2014 while working at a steel company to raise money for my music. At the time I self-assuredly thought "of the two, Love is obviously the answer." From there, my dialectic journey of holding words in my hands to prove myself wrong about everything began.

credits

released May 29, 2020

Piano, Vocals, Produced by Millaze, Sanctuary Studios. Composed by Emily Anne Plazek. Engineered, Produced by Andrew Chris, On Tap. Airplane (Stripped) Engineered by Hunter Nico McKenzie, Handmade Audio. 2020 MIC PGH Productions.

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Millaze Bloomington, Indiana

i sail the sea and play piano and add dreams.

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